And yet —

If you were a band, I’d call you The Dodo Birds:
Captain Superior, Mr In-Charge, Dummkopf Diktator, Cock-A-Doodle-Doo
You stand in your privileged place on a plinth with the other colonial criminal cunts playing air guitar and miming the words
You push all the buttons and tweak all the knobs from the control room in your bunker
Create chaotic cacophonies
From your cushy cocoon
Push this button and I’m by your side, Master
Turn this knob up slowly and I’m wet for you
Dial this one down and I’ll submit, suck, slurp
Play me rough like a fiddle until your hate is discharged into me
Until your batteries are recharged by my solarity
Take my joy and implant pain
Do it over and over
Again and again

It always starts like this:
You give me reason to believe
Ignite faith and hope
I leap into you and float in your love
Until it dawns on me, bit by bit, that it’s poison
The same tasty kind I’ve been fed since birth
It’s so familiar, like eating the same thing for breakfast every day
You learn to trust it
You learn to eat shit

You’ve been killing me slowly while extracting nourishment: a parasite
You’ve drained so many bone dry that they can’t provide anymore
Empty husks
You turn to me for fresh new life because I’m not quite spent
Not yet
I have so much love to give and to get
I’m so eager to connect
And yet —

That thing

Oh Dad
That thing you tried to protect me from
That lurks in men and ripe boys
That threat
That thing
Was already brewing
I was already in training with
That thing you couldn’t see
But which you knew
Was preparing me
Under your nose
Unseen
Unrestrained
Grooming me
That thing
Oh Dad

I want —

I want —
I want, I want
I want and you shall give it
And if you don’t
I will creep round your edges
Scanning until I find the soft bits
Studying you while smiling

[Poking imperceptibly until you break]

I want —
I want, I want
I want and I shall have it
I will move the rudder in the night
Steer things towards my destination
This is not a shared journey
It is mine and you are my sailor

[Navigate stormy seas for me]

I want —
I want, I want
I want and you will give it
And if you don’t
I will scan the edges of another
Find one with softer bits to poke
Foist upon you a chill breeze

[Don’t feel rejected, you had your chance]

I want —
I want, I want
And I will engineer it
There are no shared journeys, my love
The path we walk is mine
And you will clear it
For me

[Get out your long blade, ease my way]

Narcissist

I let you in and you took me
You pulled me down
[I rose back up]
I gave to you and you took me
And threw me out
[I stunt-rolled soft]
I cried for you and you took me
Then you fell numb
[I suckled my pain]

You are:
Fat with attention
Blunt in absentia
Stupid re blame
Drowning in hubris
Lonely from blindness
Empty with neglect

You are anti-evolution —
ceasing our species
with self-preservation
destructive negation
of other and love
may you pre-decease us