I fucking love you

The fact is I don’t care
I love you anyway and I always did
It was a slow awakening
A remembering of you
Getting to know the already known and remembering
And what can I do with love other than give it?
Should I swallow it because you quake?
Perhaps I’ll lie down and marinate in my love
Masturbate in it
It’s what they all tell me to do:
Give love to myself
It’s such an abstract concept:
Give love to myself
As if there are two of me:
One to give and one to receive
I think I’ll radiate it instead
To withhold my love is to disrespect me and you
Gives shadows too much credence
I want to be who I once was but without turning into a bitter fruit
Useful only for cakes and medicine

That thing

Oh Dad
That thing you tried to protect me from
That lurks in men and ripe boys
That threat
That thing
Was already brewing
I was already in training with
That thing you couldn’t see
But which you knew
Was preparing me
Under your nose
Unseen
Unrestrained
Grooming me
That thing
Oh Dad

How will I ever trust again?

How will I ever trust again?
You shrunk mine with your fear
And made me question everything —
All truths that I hold dear

Fidelity and warmth and love
Fleet shadows in your play
Of puppets wielded wilfully
To lead fair souls astray

How will I ever love again?
You conjured mine from me
With spells and sugar-coated arms
Such sweet cloaked trickery

So many players in this game
Of chess with people’s hearts
To satisfy such wanton greed
And power your black arts

Weather

It’s about time for another to arrive
When I kicked you out, I left the hatch open
Hoping you’d return but instead letting the weather in
And now it’s the fall and everything’s dying

Husk

My discarded exoskeleton
Clings like a spent cicada shell
To the trunk of your tree
Real as me but empty

Husks are protective
Crushable, light
They keep things in and out
Get abandoned with growth

My empty shell haunts with silence
A shrugged off clone of me
You see me but I’m not there
Search for a shadow inside

Feminist Confessional YouTube channel

Have you visited and subscribed to my YouTube channel yet? My spoken word poetry videos have been getting big numbers of views all of a sudden, both on Instagram (in Reels) and on the new YouTube shorts beta channel. It’s exciting for me to see so much more interest in my work. You can visit my channel by clicking here. My current goal is to get to 100 subscribers so that I can get a custom YouTube URL. Please help out if you can!

Seersucker

Because she sees
She is the seer
He’s a sucker for her
A seersucker
Pucker your lips love
She will kiss
The tiny bumps
On the fabric of your soul
Iron them smooth
With her steampress words
With her ears that hear
With her breath that inhales
And steals your shame

Understudy

smartphone-1618909_1920She longs to be
Every woman he’s with
That’s not her
To wear their flesh suits
Atop bleached bones
To speak with forked tongue
In the tongues of the others
She casts her veneer
Round negative space
Draws into her vacuum
Essential cores
Of expendable souls
Crude flattery
Her ticket to blueprints
Of those with blue blood
But
She is dispensable
A second-hand symbiote
A syphon for subterfuge
A funnel for fun times
And an ill-matched understudy
To the lead player