The sweet sore sameness
Of warm wet from above
And tears from within
Clean washes against salt
Salt squeezed from eyes squeezed tight
Full-spectrum-sound barely masking sobs
Leaning against – oh, the leaning against
I lean into the metal wall
For support
Cold and rigid
Hold onto taps like hard metal digits
Unresponsive
I hold them but they don’t hold me back
They don’t compare to your soft heat
Your caressing fingers
Your fur
I make butoh mouth and
Monkey sounds
Wheeze in and out
Lungs gasping bellows
With see-saw diaphragm
I feel what I have lost
Both the sad and the happy
And I wish it was easier to give birth
To the new
And to lose the old
Squatting low now, resigned
Thighs slap
Against porcelain tub
Shower torrential
As my tears
Soft rain from above
Thighs strong
Pelvis bearing down
I give birth to nothing
But sorrow
And sorriness

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