Do I matter?
Do I matter to you?
Do I matter only
Only to you?
Do I only matter to me
When I matter to you?

Woman is seen
As mother, lover, other
Useful, always
But only to another
She matters
Little as an entity
As an autonomous being
Of self-sufficiency
Shaky sense of self
She asks herself
Do I matter?
Do I matter to you?

Woman measures herself
Only by others
But when there are none
To affirm what she’s done
She feels useless
Without you
Without use
And therefore doesn’t matter
She thinks she doesn’t matter
She asks herself
Do I matter?
Do I matter to you?

Wife, mother, lover, other
She is never the centre
Her self never acting
As judge and jury
As measure
Of her worth
No, no, it is
Always another
She asks
Do I matter?
Do I matter to you?

And on and on
Until she becomes
A hollow shell
A life lived for reward
The reward of a life
That only gets paid forward
Always for others
So much so that
It guides her life
She wants to be a mother
She wants to be a wife
She asks
Do I matter?
Do I matter to you?

Then one day it occurs
A brand new thought
In the back of her mind
She really ought
To ask herself a question
Of a different kind
She says to herself
I mightn’t matter to them
I might have failed to be
Mother, wife, lover
Heck, I think
I don’t matter to a single other
But
Do I matter?
Do I matter to me?

And the answer that came
Quite surprisingly
Though quietly spoken
But a whisper, voice broken, was
Yes
Yes, I matter to me
Definitely
I matter to me

Then she ponders:
How can I build
My life from this point

From my centre
As me
As the me that matters
Most definitely?
Let’s wait and see
The thought is almost as foreign
And almost as jolting
As crossing the sea
To a foreign land
Where everything is new
And my feathers are moulting
Where I can be new, too
And grow new wings
And take first flight
And let my voice sing

Because I just might
Matter to me
Definitely matter

I matter to me

 

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