My Enemy is Strong

My enemy is strong
All she must do is
Drop a thimbleful of doubt
A wee dram of sourness
Into my dry parched mouth
While I let it quench my
Soul a pitted sponge
Soaks it up
Perilously thirsty
For approval
Ever absent
I take the poison
In lieu of love

I let her
Question me
Quote back falsehoods
Never uttered
Crazy mirrors in my brain
Wavy distortions of self within
Facile facts grunted
Reveal almost no faith
In my ability
To mother
In a way that is other
Than what I have studied
With Her
Kali, Mother Kali
Laughing killer

Old woman
Death snaps at your fancy heels
Like an angry, hungry
Territorial goose
Death dots your nervous chatter
While I confide
About unexpected embryos
Delicious hope and happiness
Then watch you
Drop an anvil on it
Crush it
The cruelty of your starkness
Like tiny needles
From your cactus heart
Torturing me slowly
With a thousand tiny pin pricks
I feel each keenly
One after the other
But the terror is all yours
You cannot allow life in me
Through me
Beyond you
Even though you gave it
You take it away
Even though I live
I have been dead already
For dozens of years
You chase death like you chase your own tail
But I’m not following you any more

My enemy is strong
But I am stronger

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